I already saw ONE shooting star, and it is only 12:30. They’re supposed to be spectacular about 3 am. The last time I saw them was probably in 2008. So, yeah, there ARE fun things to do when you are broke and alone.
I worry too much about the world, about what’s to come. About whether I will be able to find a job and get off my son’s couch. Thank God for his couch, or I don’t know WHAT I would do. Never in my life did I think I would be in this position at the age of 54. This is absolutely redic. I’m talented, smart and still fairly easy on the eyes so what the hell? I am NOT over the hill at 54, although I certainly don’t want to live another 54 years. I feel as though I’ve lived long enough. At least THIS life. I mean, if this is my life… obviously I have to do something about it.
I need to focus on my ideal job, which would be Lockhart Design, doing interiors and exteriors for people. I would love to take some classes at Bellevue Community College eventually, but I could go in and organize homes and use what they’ve got to work with better than most people I’ve seen. I want to do exteriors, too.
I should call my blog “Agony.” It fits. I always meander, starting with one topic and skipping all over the place till I run out of speed or get frustrated coz stuff gets deleted. I think I may have fixed that virus, thank you very much. I hope so, because there is nothing worse than writing a good paragraph and watching it poof right before your eyes. It’s impossible to rewrite it exactly as you already wrote it and it sucks when what you already wrote was pretty darn good.
I need the software to write screenplays, too. I should focus on comedy, coz there is nothing better than laughing in the face of disaster, and we certainly live in a disastrous world. It’s so disastrous, I don’t even know that I want to bother re-registering to vote! What is the point? They are all liars, it’s all about the one percent, the rest of us are screwed, especially those of us at the very bottom. And that’s those making less than $30,000 a year. Wonder what percentage of America THAT is?
I watched the Occupy Movement with interest; I supported it, but I never showed up. Too nervous about getting arrested. I prefer not to do things that might get me arrested. And getting beat on by cops is not my idea of a leisurely activity.
I don’t even want to watch the news anymore. What’s not bogus just puts my head in a bad space. The fact that so much of it is bogus puts my head in a bad space. I need to find GOOD space for my head. I need to find the beauty in an ugly world. Every day, when I wake up and I start to think “I hate…” I stop myself and say, “no, I’m not going to hate anything today. I’m going to find things to love about this world today.” Like the meteor showers tonight. And the fact that an awesome creator put this whole place together, and ultimately, He is still here for us. THAT’S what I have to remember. THAT’S what I have to be thankful for. Thank you, Lord.